I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
