he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
