i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize