I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
