That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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