sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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