I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
