I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
