Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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