Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
