you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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