Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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