this just has baby written all over it
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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