everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
