A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
