i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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