The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
