she looked like the before picture.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
