Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i came on her dog
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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