his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I can't turn off my feet"
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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