Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
