your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
