when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
