I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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