I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
