my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize