Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
