I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
