dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
