we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
