His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
it's like iHOP with fire
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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