Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
