Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Randomize
