i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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