i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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