i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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