i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
