She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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