I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
