I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I stole a fireplace last night.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
