i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
