drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
