just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
he told me I talked like a deaf person
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
