Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
