She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
