I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
