Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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