I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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