So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
