You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
