I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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