did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
