It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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