I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
two words: eviction party
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
