Don't you send me to vm
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
