people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize