Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
