for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
