yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
