What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
