I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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