he thought i was a dude.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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