your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
