I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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