he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
