Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
