She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize