So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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