she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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