At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
