I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
she woke up with a sticky ear
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
