Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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