You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
