found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
