i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
