Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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