Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
